Monday, October 9, 2017

He's HERE- TANNER PIER BARTHOLOMEW

I am so beyond full of joy and thankfulness. My beautiful daughter Gentry, and her amazing husband Devan delivered a darling little baby boy this morning. Cooper is now a big brother.

I was so thrilled to be able to go to the hospital with them. This meant the world to me to get to go and be there as she was having a c-section. She has had the hardest time getting to this point. We are so thankful that the MIRACLE of Tanner's birth has happened.




Gentry was calm and was just so happy to be welcoming her much wanted baby boy. She has endured three miscarriages and now has sweet Cooper and Tanner.

As we got to the hospital at 6:40 am, Zach was emailing us right then from his mission in Brazil. He was surprised and so happy to hear that we were at the hospital and that the baby was coming today.

This photo taken by Devan was my favorite. They were actually  stitchiing her closed after her c-section. The look on her face. I was immediately taken back. I have always told her she looks so much like my mother. This photo could be my mother.  Gentry looks so much like her Grandma Beal and it makes my heart happy. I loved that he captured this moment in time. 


           TANNER PIER BARTHOLOMEW
                         October 9th 2017 
                                 9:07 am
                               19.5" long


The best part is that TODAY is Zach's 20th birthday too. He is on his mission in Brazil and I'm sure he is over the moon excited to share this special day with his cute nephew. (Little Ty and Devan share a birthday too) We made birthday video's for him to view today. I posted them on facebook and instagram if you want to see them. They are quite silly, but so me... as MOM me.


HAPPY HAPPY BIRTHDAY ZACHARY and TANNER!!!!!

I love you both so very much.

TODAY is the BEST and I'm so thankful for this DAY...


It has been the most rewarding experience to watch my girls be mother's. I know that pregnancy and raising children is not easy.  Today in the hospital we talked about how FAMILY is the most important thing we will ever have. It's WORTH it!
 

COOPER turned TWO years old in May.
He is not quite so sure about the baby when he came to the hospital today. He had just wanted a puppy when told his mom was having a baby.
(family photos: HILARY HAMILTON) 

They call me grandma.
I honestly have no reservation to being called this. I decided many years ago that I wanted to be a very hands on grandmother. I want them to know me.  Cooper is home with me now and we are having a sleepover, watching Lego Batman and he's enjoying popcorn after a hour long bath (swim) in my tub. He kept saying FUN. I know he will warm up to his baby brother.f



Cooper has the little puppy I got him.  He  did his own thing and didn't want to interact too much with his baby brother.

He is perfectly healthy and doing well. 
Gentry is doing well too.
It has been an amazing day. 

Tanner you are so loved...
welcome to the world little one.
You are a dream come true. 


Sunday, October 8, 2017

STRONG ENOUGH ... time to share



Oh my friends… let it all go… let it all out now. 

I am going to be honest and real and hope you see YOUR own STRONG in what I want to share today. So this last weekend I spoke at the Enlightened Retreat in Midway Utah.  I got home yesterday and I had so many moments of "awareness." My heart was so open and I had prepared for a year to share my message. I had prayed for many months to have the RIGHT message for those I would talk to. I knew I would have lots of time in the four days there to share and to receive. I get so emotional preparing for my speaking engagements. I have come to realize that speaking is a passion for me.

I love sharing my passion and appreciation for life. I know that the broken me that is so imperfect has so much happiness to share. I do love myself in the most real and honest way RIGHT now in my imperfect "self". I see my weaknesses as my greatest lessons that HUMBLE me. 

I have picked up the broken pieces of me OVER and OVER again in my life… to put my pieces back together.   I am stronger from going through EACH experience. 

So are you my friends.  This song is where I am at. It speaks to me... about me and my ongoing journey. It is so beautiful.





We are each beautiful with our chips, cracks,  lines, flaws, we make think that our scars make us UGLY. They do not! They are there to remind of each of us of how STRONG we are. After difficult times that we all have in life we can be broken with the experiences of life. I decided to start blogging again in ways to share more of my personal life and how I am allowing ME to be ME. 

I gained a lot of insight at the retreat from the yoga classes. I am still the wounded shy little girl from Hickory NC at times.  I still need to "let it all go" in a beautiful, kind and loving way to myself. 

"The truth is, unless you let go, unless you forgive yourself, unless you forgive the situation, unless you realize that the situation is over, you cannot move forward." Quote unknown. 


Oh my ... did my soul need this message right now. As the room was quiet at 6:30 am and the sun was still down. In the darkness and in the stillness, I laid on my mat in the midst of the beautiful dark room.

 I allowed the message to sink into my inner being. It hit my heart and soul in a PROFOUND way. I saw the beauty within ME and in others MORE clearly. I saw my personal journey in its realness RIGHT now.

 I did the real ugly cry as I ALLOWED myself to mourn my pain, loss and moving on daily in my imperfect life and with my imperfect me. I realized often I keep my pain inside because I want to be STRONG for everyone around me. I run away from those feelings and I push anyone anyway that I feel will leave me. I still am scared of loss and being abandoned. 

 I was instantly taken back to the night prior to Tyler's death. He knew the time was nearing and he was in so much pain. Yet he did not want to take any pain medication so he would be awake. I could tell that as his fragile body was getting ready to go HOME to God and  he was scared to leave me. He did not want to say goodbye to "us" or our children.

 In that tender moment, he asked me to get in the bed beside him and simply hold him. As he was preparing to leave this mortal life, he cried as he let me hold him. I told him it was okay for him to GO. I told him he had done everything he needed to do. I promised he that I would be okay and that I would take care of our kids. I was strong. I even said this without crying. I needed him to think that I was strong enough.

As I was on the mat, I remembered that moment, the memory of laying in the hospital bed at Huntsmen with Tyler. It rushed into my mind and I was crippled. I cried nonstop and let my tears freely flow. I didn't believe I was strong enough then. I was so scared. I felt he was abandoning me. I I felt so alone and I felt a helpless. I realized that I was crying with so much gratitude, in that tender moment. I  heard Sadie instruct us in the yoga session to ALLOW ourselves to FEEL and accept and let anything go that we needed to.

 I cried so much that I could not open my eyes and even though most would think it was SAD tears it was actually tears of acceptance. I had to let the tears GO. I am so thankful for what and who has come into my life. It's okay to be sad over pain. It's okay to feel sad over our HARD. The song she played was the song...."let it all go" and it SPOKE to my heart in a new way.  

I had new awareness of the PAIN and the HARD I have endured. I love my broken me, my "countless" flaws, my legs with horrible veins, my stretch marks, my insecurities, my happiness in loving my insecure shy little girl from Hickory. 

I hope you will read my blog and know I am sharing because I know my TRUTH can be a way for you to see ME but see YOU in my story. We are all broken at times. We all have our HARD. We simply can't compare our MESS or HARD with that of others. We are all BEAUTIFUL in ways we don’t see and often it is allowing us to see the REALNESS in ourselves and in others.
I believe that we ALL must LET IT ALL GO... at times. I believe our hard times are actually PROOF of our fragility and that we are so much "MORE" resilient than we realize. This makes our experiences both good and the bad- beautiful. 
 

Sunday, August 13, 2017

Are you looking for the GOLD or the GARBAGE in others?




We are all doing the BEST that we CAN. Are we looking for the GARBAGE or the GOLD in others or ourself???????

Okay, I know Taylor is the one who just had the baby... Sweet Cannon Brooks Card. I have struggled for the past few WEEKS with some things that I am going to share. It's like POST feelings/ emotional/ and no I did not just have a baby... but I do have the sweetest grandson CANNON that I am missing right now. This baby boy is my GOLD. I will post all about his birth in my next blog post.


I live 20 minutes away from them and yes, I would just hold him 24/7 if I could. It's amazing how much love you can possess for your grandchildren. Okay... so here is some of my thoughts and I hope someone else can benefit from some of my REALity and feelings.

I have struggled with things that I never struggled with. I have experienced things that I did not think I would. I have felt really broken in some areas of my life. I have failed at a lot of things that I used to EXCEL at. I have also been GREAT at things lately that I really struggled with in the past. So I felt this feeling for some time. I saw a lot of people I know and love SUFFER too. They felt their GOOD was just not good enough.

Are there things weighing on your heart and in your mind? I know for me I have to say YES. The past two days Brian and I decided to "Get AWAY" and we did the Parade of Homes in Utah. We went to about 18 houses and we drove from house to house and talked for countless hours. We ended the days with late dinners for the end of our date day/nights. It was just US and we talked about things and shared things with each other. It was our TRUTHS and we are two broken/wounded people who got married and had to work on figuring out the new US. So many people look at other couples or other people and automatically make assumptions.

If you are still reading this... WOW... I will be posting this on my blog because I felt so prompted to SHARE the REALity today. I will have a hard time pressing this POST button. First, we just don't KNOW each others journey and WE share so little of our TRUTH. I am all for keeping your private private... and yet because we do, often others SEE us or our life, our situation, our marriages, our jobs, our children, etc. maybe differently.

Brian and I have struggled with our new blended relationship. It has not been easy and I realized so many people that I am close to and know and love would say things like I thought you two have the PERFECT marriage. Wow, is this even possible?
 
 

I mean, I am a hot mess at times. I have weaknesses and faults like everyone else and so does Brian. Oh no.... don't tell him I said this. ha! However, this is so much more than our marriage or our journey. I talk to thousands of women a year in my travels. events and speaking appearances. I realized that I can and be loved and LOVE others and myself by just realizing we are ALL doing the BEST that we can. It's when we STOP trying when we have a problem.

I stop myself all the time and remind myself that I am only HUMAN. We all are and we have issues. We can face them and work on them or we can be filled with depression and judgment for US and others.

I never thought about the issues Brian Webber and I would each would bring and have in a new marriage. There has been times when I thought I was too broken and everything was my fault. Then I thought the same of him. I realized I blamed and was upset over the constant toxic chaos that started at the beginning from an outside source. I have seen some of "OUR" children hurt because of this and blending US became very hard. I would say to myself... I did not ask for this.

I realized we had to have a solid US. We were focused on THEM and we had to go back to us. We had to focus on the miracle and how much we love each other and how much we believe we were meant to be together.

I just wanted peace and wanted to feel safe. I did not imagine how much craziness could come into my life unwillingly. Well we have options- we can face the HARD or we can GIVE up. We can allow or not allow the patterns to continue. So this article is one that SPOKE to me so much and I knew I had to share it. I could have written it. I realized I will be looking more for the GOLD instead of the GARBAGE in my imperfect marriage and world.

I’m sometimes amazed and embarrassed by how critical I can be — both of other people and of myself. Even though I both teach and practice the power of appreciation (as well as acceptance, compassion and more) when I find myself feeling scared, threatened or insecure (which happens more often than I’d like it to), I notice that I can be quite judgmental. Sadly, as I’ve learned throughout my life, being critical and judgmental never works, feels good or leads me to what I truly want in my relationships and in my life. 
 
Can you relate to this?

I’ve recently been challenged by a few situations and relationships that have triggered an intense critical response — both toward myself and some of the people around me. As I’ve been noticing this, working through it and looking for alternative ways to respond, I’m reminded of something I heard Louise Hay say a number of years ago. She said, “It’s important to remember that people are always doing the best they can, including you.”

The power of this statement resonated with me deeply when I heard it and continues to have an impact on me to this day. And although I sometimes forget this, when I do remember that we’re all doing the best we can given whatever tools and resources we have, and the circumstances and situations we’re experiencing, it usually calms me down and creates a sense of empathy and compassion for the people I’m dealing with and for myself.

Unfortunately, we tend to take things personally that aren’t, look for what’s wrong, and critically judge the people around us and ourselves, instead of bringing a sense of love, understanding, acceptance, forgiveness and appreciation to the most important (and often most challenging) situations and relationships in our lives.

When we take a step back and remember that most of the time people aren’t “out to get us,” purposefully doing things to upset or annoy us, or consciously trying to make mistakes, disappoint us or create difficulty (they’re most likely just doing the best they can and doing what they think makes the most sense) — we can save ourselves from unnecessary overreactions and stress. And when we’re able to have this same awareness and compassion in how we relate to ourselves, we can dramatically alter our lives and relationships in a positive way.

Here are some things you can do and remember in this regard:

1.) Give people the benefit of the doubt. Most of the time, people have good intentions. Many of us, myself included, have been trained to be cautious and suspicious of others, even seeing this as an important and effective skill in life and business. However, we almost always get what we expect from people, so the more often we give people the benefit of the doubt, the more often they will prove us “right,” and the less often we will waste our precious time and energy on being cynical, suspicious and judgmental.

2. Don’t take things personally. One of my favorite sayings is, “You wouldn’t worry about what other people think about you so much if you realized how little they actually did.” The truth is that most people are focused on themselves much more than on us. Too often in life we take things personally that have nothing to do with us. This doesn’t mean we let people walk all over us or treat us in disrespectful or hurtful ways. (It can be important for us to speak up and push back at times in life.) However, when we stop taking things so personally, we liberate ourselves from needless worry, defensiveness and conflict.

3.) Look for the good. Another way to say what I mentioned above about getting what we expect from other people, is that we almost always find what we look for. If you want to find some things about me that you don’t like, consider obnoxious or get on your nerves — just look for them, I’m sure you’ll come up with some. On the flip side, if you want to find some of my best qualities and things you appreciate about me, just look for those — they are there too. As Werner Erhard said, “In every human being there is both garbage and gold, it’s up to us to choose what we pay attention to.” Looking for the good in others (as well as in life and in ourselves), is one of the best ways to find things to appreciate and be grateful for and we remember that not everything is about us all the time.

4.) Seek first to understand. Often when we’re frustrated, annoyed or in a conflict with another person (or group of people), we don’t feel seen, heard or understood. As challenging and painful as this can be, one of the best things we can do is to shift our attention from trying to get other people to understand us (or being irritated that it seems like they don’t), is to seek to understand the other person (or people) involved in an authentic way. This can be difficult, especially when the situation or conflict is very personal and emotional to us, however it is one of the best ways for us to liberate ourselves from the grip of criticism and judgment, and often helps shift the dynamic of the entire thing. Being curious, understanding and even empathetic of another person and their perspective or feelings doesn’t mean being in agreement with them, it simply allows us to get into their world and see where they’re coming from — which is essential to letting go of judgment, connecting with them and ultimately resolving the conflict.

5.) Be gentle with others (and especially with yourself). Being gentle is the opposite of being critical. When we’re gentle we’re compassionate, kind and loving. We may not like, agree with or totally understand what someone has done (or why), but we can be gentle in how we approach it, talk about it and engage with them. Being gentle isn’t about condoning or appeasing anyone or anything, it’s about having a true sense of empathy and perspective. And, the most important place for us to bring a sense of gentleness is to ourselves. Many of us have a tendency to be super judgmental of ourselves. Sadly, some of the harshest criticism we dole out in life is aimed right at us. Another great saying I love is, “We don’t see people as they are, we see them as we are.” As we alter how we relate to ourselves, how we relate to everyone else and to the world around us is altered in a fundamental way.

As the Dalai Lama so brilliantly says, “If you want others to be happy, practice compassion. If you want to be happy, practice compassion.” Everyone around us — our friends, co-workers, significant other, family members, children, service people, clients and even the people we don’t know or care for — is doing the best they can, given the resources they have. When we remember this and come from a truly compassionate perspective (with others and with ourselves), we’re able to tap into a deeper level of peace, appreciation and fulfillment.-
 
written by: MIKE ROBBINS


Friday, July 7, 2017

WEIGHT update.... it's been 7 MONTHS


(*I did it I hiked up that big mountain in Mexico with my husband, McKay and Mauro. April 2017)

I have thought about sharing this post for MONTHS now. I am going to share the vulnerable REALITY of me today. My REAL feelings and my personal struggles. I know many of you will want to know my "secret." I have daily messages asking me for WHAT I am doing to lose weight. I hope you will read one of my previous blog posts on what I am doing (Medi-Weight Loss program) and know that I am STILL doing the exact same thing as before. It was and is so much more than a diet for me. 

So let's start with my update- 
today is Friday July 7th 2017. Today I went to my weekly appointment. As of today....  I have lost 68.8 lbs. 

I am not going to lie. I have been silent about something that has been exceedingly hard for me. I was eating in many ways to feel numb to these ongoing feelings. I was really struggling with something that many WIDOWS face. I was feeling EXTREME guilt for being alive. I felt guilt for finding LOVE again. I was feeling GUILT for living life after Tyler died. I felt guilt for marrying Brian and being so happy. I tried to hide it.  I tried to hide it even from myself. My heart was so torn. How can you be HAPPY again after you lose someone you love and who your were completely devoted to for nineteen years? 




I was happy and thankful but in my mind, I would think about Tyler and just feel guilt. I would go to the grave and just pour my heart out. I really struggled with it. At times, I allowed it to cause so much anxiety in my heart and I finally realized I had not properly dealt with my feelings and loss. I decided to be honest with why I was gaining weight so fast and WHY I was sabotaging my health. 



I am so thankful I could talk to my kids about it and I also shared with Brian how I felt. I love that Brian understands that my journey is so different from his divorce. I have learned that grieving is ongoing and it does not end. I believe mourning is truly a necessity in the grieving process. It lasts much longer to some people and I believe it is something I will continue to experience for both Tyler and my mother.  Everything that Tyler should be at reminds me of our loss and it hurts. Zach's mission to Brazil, Tyler's graduation, McKay's wedding, the grandchildren being born... as life continues you are reminded of those that are not here anymore to witness these precious family moments. 

Right after someone you love dies, often so many people are mourning with you. They can feel and see your pain. However life goes on for everyone around you and soon you are the one that is left to NEVER be the same. You remember every single day of your loss and how life is never the same again. You face the ongoing feelings, the sad times, the grieving and the loss. 

So for me, counseling was needed. It was TRULY something I had to do for myself and for my family. I still have many of the same emotions. I honestly think maybe it is meant to be this way. I am talking and sharing with a professional and allowing myself to be okay with WHAT and WHEN I feel it.

 I have lost weight as a direct consequence by loving myself enough to take care of my mental and physical self. I was never depressed or hated myself for gaining weight. I am confident in who I am at whatever weight I am at. I believe so strongly in not body shaming or hating our body EVER. What a miracle our beautiful bodies are. Some of have MORE curves or weight and that certainly does not make us any LESS. My weekly meetings have been the BEST thing ever for me. First, I am accountable for my choices and I see that every week when I weigh in. Thankfully, my favorite foods are salads, and fruit. I also love to eat grilled protein and I don't LOVE processed food or bread. Crazy right... I know!
My biggest weakness is ICE CREAM.

As I have FOCUSED on getting healthy, I was asked over and over again by my dietician what my goal weight was. It took me 7 months to realize that I couldn't  focus on a NUMBER. The number is so not IMPORTANT. It is HOW you feel. I just wanted to feel like ME again. I wanted to feel healthy and whole and at peace. It was a journey of self love and self acceptance. I have never experienced anything like this before. I would be like most people and go on a diet for the whole purpose to see a certain number on a scale. I would feel deprived and want it to be over with. I would focus on the 15 or so lbs I was DETERMINED to loss. It was not like this at all this time. I decided to make it a lifestyle change and focus on WHY I had gained the weight so fast and help heal myself of things that were WEIGHING on me. 


I knew it was going to a long process.
Brian and I were facing some ongoing things together that put a tremendous amount of stress in our life and family.
I knew I had the POWER to not allow this to derail me on my journey. I have been so FOCUSED on loving myself enough to be a healthier me. I was having so many medical issues that scared me.
I still don't have any end date in mind because I don't see myself on a diet. I see this as a health journey that is going to continue. I guarantee I will eat ice cream at some point again. I don't believe in starving yourself or deprivation. I know that it's moderation and eating healthy 80% of the time for me. I consider what I've done as a DIET of Self LOVE. I love myself enough to take care of myself both mentally and physically. 

So my friends that is my SECRET...
it's me LOVING myself in every way possible EACH and EVERY day. I have earned every stretch mark on my imperfect body and I loved my body in January and I love it NOW in July. I simply knew my body was SCREAMING for attention. I had to take care of it better. 
I hear all the time. YOU have WILLPOWER. I can't do it like you have. I believe we all reach a point where it just CLICKS for us. I was at the point of realization and wanted to HIKE that mountain in Mexico. I wanted to exercise again without feeling like I was dying. I wanted to see my grand babies grow up. I didn't want my body to hinder me from being ACTIVE and fit. I know my health scare WOKE me up! 

Guess what? It's never easy to make changes and it's my responsibility to take care of me. No one else can do it. I had to decide what I really wanted MORE. Did I want to make changes? 
I did and I knew it was my TIME to FOCUS on being the best me... not the perfect or obsessed with being a size TINY me....
I promise if you change your OUTLOOK and see it 
as LOVING yourself it is so very different than a diet. Today I was told I now have VERY low blood pressure. Yes, that is what I normally am so it's so great to see how I had high blood pressure and now it's back to low blood pressure. 

TIPS TO SUCCESS
from my personal experience:

1. Drink water every single day- no excuses for not drinking 1/2 of your body weight each and every day. I drink between 120-140 oz every single day. I have not missed one day of my water goal since January. Smart Water is my favorite and I will add grape propel at times to give it a yummy flavor. *drink water before eating every single day.
I can truly say that I have learned that I used to think I was so hungry but in fact I was thirsty. I now love WATER and I was drinking NO WATER before I started in January.

2. WEIGH YOURSELF- face the reality of your efforts. I am not obsessed at all with the scale. It just is a tool to track progress but I love seeing how my better choices have helped me to lose weight. I weigh myself every single morning because for me it makes me see how AWESOME my body is responding to LOVING it with good food, water and exercise. Our bodies are truly miracles. 

3. I don't count calories- I simply eat the same amount of protein every day (about 600-700 calories worth a day), fruit (this is my favorite treat ever!!!!), fats (avacado, nuts, oils, dressing, etc). and I change up what I am eating every day because that is the reality of LIFE. I found out what WORKS for me and that is what I am doing. In working with the dietician, I wanted to plan my food and meals 100% after the first month. I knew this way I knew how to eat healthy and in proper portions without being consumed with a list of exact food I had to eat. I eat out almost every day too. I simply alter everything and ask for it in a way that I can eat it. I had to learn to do this since I am always in meetings, rushing to get things designed or on the go. 

4. LISTEN TO YOUR BODY CRAVING-
I tell Brian almost every day that I am crazing something that I want to eat that day. Often it is steak or shrimp or something like that. I find that lean sirloin steak is something that fills me and gives my body what it craves. I also loved grilled chicken, cod and so I have my favorite foods on hand so I always have something to prepare. I do grocery pick ups so I can order online and pick up and avoid the grocery aisle impulse purchases. I love that my favorites are already there and I can't simply reorder my weekly items- fast and simple! 

I could share a lot more but this post has gotten long enough. Please know that I am NOT at all saying anyone needs to look a certain way, or weigh a certain weight. I am all for loving yourself RIGHT now... today. I believe we must follow our own path and do what we feel in our heart is best for us in our life. 
 

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Thursday, July 6, 2017

BE THE BEST YOU.... TEN THOUGHTS- I'm back blogging

I can't believe how long it has been since I have blogged.

I just knew I had to take a social media break for ME. I have been working on my own personal progress since January. It was so much more than my health. It was both mental and physical and I really have missed sharing my journey. The past SEVEN months have changed me in so many ways and I realized so much about myself.

 I had to let some big things GO in my life. I have added things that brought me SHEER joy. I accepted some tough lessons and went through some tough trials that I had to learn from, accept and overcome. I had to accept that not every relationship in my life was authentic and was a two way relationship and stop and seek those that are. I have NEVER felt more happy or content. I have FOCUSED for the last seven months on finding ME again.

(Sunday at church after Edward's Baby Blessing)

 I am planning my next upcoming event in September and for the FIRST time ever- I am doing it with a new outlook. I used to be afraid to TRY certain things because I wanted everyone to LOVE everything. I would make decisions from FEAR instead of just following my HEART. This would drive my people pleasing personality crazy if I thought someone would not like something. I realized that I had to follow my INNER VOICE more and just ENJOY my event- all of it. So this year, I am hosting a creative weekend that has turned into a LUAU PINEAPPLE themed event and its going to be FUN FUN FUN!!!!! We are even going to dress up for the opening crop on Thursday and I have dancers coming to entertain us (Polynesian- Hawaiian). I could not be more excited to FOLLOW my passion and hold NOTHING back.

 I wanted to share that my youngest daughter
McKay got married April 20th.
I loved every moment watching her get married 
to Mauro in the Provo City LDS temple. It was such a special day and most beautiful reception. Then we went to Mexico for the second reception with his family and friends. I love Mexico and I love that I now have family
there too.

Mexico Temple Visitors Center May 2017
Brian, McKay and Mauro

My little girl is so happy and I could not be more blessed than
to be her mommy.
(reception: The White Shanty Provo Utah)

My handsome son- Baby Ty
graduated from Murray High School June 3rd 2017.
I adore him. I cried like a baby. My last and youngest child
is now headed for college. (McKay is finishing up her degree right now at Brigham Young University and now Tyler is starting college.  Zach is on his mission- he is soon hitting the ONE year mark and he is doing fabulous and loves Brazil so much. He will be going to BYU too when he returns next Summer from his mission.

He has lost quite a bit of weight since he arrived in Brazil.
He is so very happy and this makes me happy.

SO this weekend I am going to share a big UPDATE on my weight and health journey and some other things that have been on my mind. Plus, I soon will have two new grand babies. I want to share more. So that was just a little bit of what has been going on.
Last, I wanted to share this article that I read on Huffington Press by Anne Naylor. I found it insightful and so accurate. I hoped it would speak to YOU as it did me.
1. Know what you want
Maybe you have a talent you have longed to express and develop. If not, you probably know how you would like to be experiencing your life - perhaps with more happiness, better communications with the ones you love, greater fulfilment in your work.
Knowing is deeper and stronger than wishful thinking or hoping. It is a conviction so solid that you can base your life on it.
“There are three things extremely hard: steel, a diamond, and to know one’s self.”
Benjamin Franklin
2. Engage with your intention
Daily nurture your vision - see, feel, hear how you will be experiencing the fulfillment of your the life you want, both inwardly and in the world. Use your imagination.
3. Practice your passion - take action
If you have a talent, keep working with it. If you would like to be happier, do things that make you happy. Better communications? Be willing to learn, practice, improve - and make mistakes from time to time. Your intention will speak volumes. Fulfillment? Adjust your attitude.
“Nothing will work unless you do.” 
Maya Angelou
4. Raise your energy - turn up the heat
Love yourself and be grateful for all you have in your life, right now. Pay attention to your blessings. Look up. Learn to forgive and laugh at the mistakes you make along the way. Each day, feel the enthusiasm for your vision, as if it has already happened. Stay open for the remarkable to take place. It will.
“There are two ways to live your life - one is as though nothing is a miracle, 
the other is as though everything is a miracle.”

Albert Einstein
5. Gather positive people around you
At the very least, spend time with people who are supportive and for you. Enrich yourself by getting to know others who are actively creating the best for themselves, and learn from them.
“If you have zest and enthusiasm you attract zest and enthusiasm. 
Life does give back in kind.” 

Norman Vincent Peale
6. Get rid of what is unnecessary
Clear the clutter! Live lean with only that which you need around you. The feeling of freedom you gain will liberate you closer to what you really want.
7. Organize yourself for success
Find ways of dealing with life’s necessities so that you are not distracted by them. Only agree to do what you will actually do. Learn to say no to what does not fit for you.
“If we did all the things we are capable of doing, 
we would literally astound ourselves.”

Thomas A Edison
8. Set no time limits
Learn to live in the present moment and respond to your intuitive guidance. There are times when to act; times when to hold. You will get to know which is which.
“We have time enough if we will but use it right.”
Johann Wolfgang von Geothe
9. Believe in yourself - believe in your vision
Feeling doubtful? In these challenging times, young children may teach us something. As adults, we can also be persistent in going for what we value.
10. Treasure yourself
Do the things that show you care for yourself: eat foods that serve your body; drink plenty of water; get enough sleep; exercise regularly; make time and space for fun; stay focused on your vision and intention. Taking care of your health is a wise investment of your time and attention.
“The diamond you are, you wear within you.  
You can call on its beauty and power when you want to stand forward and dazzle.”

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Wednesday, April 12, 2017

TODAY.... 8 days countdown


Oh my... finally home... unpacked and super busy. I am feeling overly productive given all my emotions. My baby girl McKay is getting married next week. Okay, she will always be the baby girl. My heart is full of emotion and I am crying like a baby over the little things.  I love you so much my little rat.

 I LOVE this song... TODAY by Brad Paisley. It speaks to me and it's about the ultimate thing we want MOST... LOVE. I play this song over and over and reflect on her getting married and marriage. I have been giving her advice from my heart from the time she was a baby. I know that I have tried to prepare her for this most important step in her life.




I would tell her about her worth and how she would grow up one day and my hope for her was to find REAL love. I know that love and marriage is hard and things can quickly change. It's a beautiful thing to find someone to spend spend FOREVER with. So often the seasons change and time goes by and it takes WORK to keep these sacred feeling and love ALIVE and ongoing. 

"Because the memory of a day like TODAY can get you through the rest of your life." -Brad Paisley



I am so proud of you, proud of your decisions, so thankful for Mauro. I adore him!
I am thankful Heavenly Father gave me YOU and now Mauro.


I have really thought a lot about the feelings of finding this love and how to keep it going. It takes work. It takes more than you... it takes BOTH of you. Relationships have to be two way in that you both have to want and work on it. It is so vital to communicate and share from the heart daily. I know for men it can be exhausting... as women we tend to over think, over process and get overwhelmed with feelings and thoughts. I think your spouse cannot possibly meet ALL of your needs. You have to LOVE yourself first. You do have to have a partner who loves you enough to "let you in their world" and is never afraid to tell you how much they need and love you. 

I have this personal thing I call CPR- communicate, pray together and respect.  It will help rescue a marriage during the times of trial. Marriage is allowing that one and only person in the world who you share yourself with in the most intimate way, both physically and mentally. I know that often marriages do not work because someone in the relationship does not or cannot give their spouse the things that is needed for the marriage to survive. 





Yesterday, I visited Taylor and Gentry and we sat around and talked about life, love and marriage. I listened to my sweet girls talking about their sweet husbands.  Gentry just moved into her new home and it's beautiful. I listened to my daughter Gentry talk about how Taylor showed her from painful divorce about the kind of person she wanted to marry.  She credits seeing Taylor's painful journey as a lesson to her about WHAT to look for in a husband. It was a talk we had never had before.  



Beckett, Cooper and Capri
at Gentry and Devan's new house.
They just moved in. Cooper is adjusting to his new room.
These monkeys like to jump on the bed.

It's okay to make mistakes- this is part of life- and NOW I know Taylor sees the bigger picture. She is happily married and has the most beautiful twins and is 21 weeks pregnant with a baby boy.  She had a ultrasound yesterday since she is higher risk with premature labor.




Yesterday, my girls gave me the biggest GIFT without ever realizing it. As we sat and talked as we often do, we started talking about parenting. We talked about how I raised them (I say I raised them Southern!!!!). There was rules, consequences and always the most important thing I was to do as a mom was to teach them values and for them to feel loved. I can honestly say that I have watched all my kids grow up and I am proud of them (mistakes and all). I am proud of their hearts and their desires to be good people. 

Gentry said some things to me that were so special and her thoughts of me as her mother that made me realize that I had "made" a impression on my children for life. I listened and just let it go straight to my heart. I could not ask for more. Even during my trials and mistakes I was still able to make a impact as a mother.  I am not sharing this to say... "oh, I am great" because honestly.......

I think as a mother I often wonder... 

Am I doing this right? Was I too hard? Did I show enough love? Was the consequence the right one when they needed to have one? Did I handle this right? Do they know my heart? Will they be blessed in life from having me as their mother?  Am I a good example?  Yes, poor kids...they were stuck with me. 

So when the BIG decisions come... like marriage. Will they make choices that will ADD happiness, peace and joy to them? I feel so much happiness in knowing McKay has found her LOVE. She is getting married in EIGHT days. Wow... count down 8 days!



WHITE DRESS 
by BEN RECTOR

We love this talented singer. If you don't know his music... go check it out! This song is all about marriage and love.
Happy Wednesday.
Be HAPPY...

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