On Thursday, my son Tyler turned 16 years old. I can't believe how fast time goes. It goes by so fast. My son in law Devan also had a birthday. I truly love both of these young men with all my heart. They are special buddies too. The truth is my son Ty was so close to his dad. I know he is hurting from the loss. He never says a word about it though. This is just him. As the "baby" of the family, our family is really having an adjustment. I can see it prominently with Ty. His birthday was very hard, in that his dad was not here. It just felt different. No matter what I did, it was obvious that it's different now. I tried so hard to make it a happy day. Ty does not read my blog, but the truth is... he has really pulled away from me. Our family really changed as you can expect and the loss of Tyler. They are in high school. They were both so dependent on their dad and his role in their life.
I never once thought how much it would change the "role" I have as a parent. I would have to adjust with Tyler gone. Remember, denial was with me for 17 long months. Ty was such a strong parent in that he was very hands on in our family with our children. Yesterday, I was trying so hard to just connect with Ty and let him see how much I love him. I have moments of just feeling helpless and then I remind myself that I can't give up.
We went to City Creek for the night. We waited for almost 1 1/2 hours to get into Cheesecake Factory. We walked and laughed together. I was having a really hard day and it was sad for me to see Tyler not enjoying our time together. I wanted to just connect with him. I fought back tears the entire night. I tried to "pretend" that I did not see his mood. I guess, I hoped it would go away. After dinner, we all walked to Temple Square to see the lights. It is absolutely stunning and the cold air was refreshing.
I so enjoyed being with the kids. I kept thinking of how important it is to me that we are a forever family. It was truly so much fun and the kids made me laugh more than I have since Ty passed. They love being together and it shows. They were acting silly and goofy. This is exactly what they are like. The waiter at dinner said our family was the BEST family that evening because we had him laughing so much. I enjoy their fun and crazy personalities and their support right now.
I never let an opportunity pass to not take photos with my kids. It's so important.
They are silly kids. We had to pass the time waiting for our dinner reservation. I had to take photos.
Zach likes to make fun of the way girls pose for photos... hence his leg pose. Seriously, Zach is a fun kid to hang around with. He loves his sisters so much. Ty and Zach both love it when the girls are at the house.
The kids love to "pick"on me. I think it's really funny and don't mind it one bit. I am thankful they want to spend time together and with me. It helps me so much to have their influence on the boys and that they care for one another.
Cheesecake Factory was delicious. I always get the SAME thing.
I love the lettuce wraps. My favorite!!!!!!
I love having McKay home. She is full of light and happiness. If we could find her a place to live at BYU, we would be set. Yes, we can't find her housing. It's in high demand for girls.
This is the SLC Temple at night in downtown.
I love my kids and hope that they enjoy all the photos that we take together.
|This is the NEW 16 year old.|
He is in 10th grade now.
I will keep trying hard to somehow, someway make this boy know and feel my great love for him. I am trying to show it and realize that I have to try harder than ever to be a great mother.