I love going to church with my family. It has been over a year now, that I go alone with my boys. My deep faith is what gives me the strength and renews my spirit when I think I can't go on. Today I was just emotional and after the Sacrament meeting, I decided to just get into my car and drive. I just needed to think and clear my head.
I have so much on my mind right now. The most important thing being my husband. All week, I go to the office and try to keep myself positive and often avoid talking about Ty's cancer if I can help it. I don't want anyone to feel sorry for me or our family. I cry when I talk about it, so I just try to avoid emotional discussions. Each day I am grateful he is here with me. That he is fighting with all his might to live. He is the love of my life and my heart is just torn apart, watching him struggle.
I got into my car and heard this song...
ALL I could do was cry and cry. I felt so touched by the lyrics and how they spoke to my heart and how I feel. I felt such a connection and my desire for Tyler to FIGHT so we can be together. I am not ready to let him go. I so desperately want to tell Tyler the same thing... Please STAY WITH ME... because YOUR ALL THAT I NEED. Darling... stay with me. Oh how I want to beg Ty to keep fighting for us. I am just not ready to accept that he won't be with me. I can't imagine a day without him. CAUSE your LOVE is all I need. They say LOVE is clear to see... STAY WITH ME.
I was crying so hard I could not see the road. I tried to call my daughters who were at church... and then thankfully I was able to talk to my friend who just let me CRY and talk. I try so hard to not cry... to be a strong and encouraging wife and mother. Somedays I just have to let it out so that I am getting all that "sadness" out. I just want to thank all of you for being so wonderful and encouraging. I know so many of you are going through trials like ours and I know how it changes you and your family. It changes how you look at everything.
Yesterday, I made my yearly GRATITUDE book with Life Emporium. I know this probably got me "thinking" and I knew I need to share and teach this project. THIS will be online because I believe in reflecting and writing our life story. I need others to document, share and celebrate the day TODAY. We have no idea what the next day, or even hour holds.
I got the BEST letter yesterday. Our beautiful daughter McKay has her release date from her mission. She will be coming home on MONDAY December 15th 2014. I was so happy that I think I squealed. I so want her to walk off that plane and see her dad. I want her to know how much her service has helped others and that because of her and her example we have been blessed. I am a better person. My heart is grateful. I could not be prouder of her and Seth. My two kids... so love them so much.