Wednesday, September 10, 2014

CONFESSIONS AT MIDNIGHT

I am writing completely from a raw and deeply personal place in my heart at this very late hour at night. Most days I think I am strong. Well, not today. I just allowed myself to cry and cry. I left my office and I knew that I needed to just be alone with the feelings that had overcome me. Each day I see the "overload" of blessings in my life. I truly just want to focus on these things. Then I look at my husband and my heart breaks. I have never personally seen the effect of what CANCER does to a body until this last year. Cancer is a huge mental battle for the patient and the loved ones. I can be honest in that I live ONLY in the belief of his recovery. My husband joined that "horrible club" that way too many people are in. I see the days go by and you would think Tyler would be getting stronger and feeling better. That is simply not the case. If anything, I see him getting weaker and the signs of the graft host rejection are ever present. I literally went to Jo-Ann craft store tonight and walked the aisles. I could NOT stop crying. I was contemplating LIFE right now. I was thinking of my children. They are so brave and strong, but I would be the biggest liar if I said they are not scared that the transplant did not work. I know it's from the fear that the first transplant did not work.
 My FAITH is stronger than my FEAR.
My tears shed because it's so hard to watch
the person and people you love most in the world struggle.


I know my husband NEEDS me to be strong for him. I did not come home until I got my tears in check. He knows without me having to say a word. Our house is on lockdown. The only people who come into our home right now is our boys and his mother. We can't risk Tyler getting sick. Each day Tyler simply sleeps due to extreme fatigue and when he can he will walk around. This takes tremendous effort. 


I will NEVER give up HOPE.
I don't pretend to have all the answers. I just have
FAITH in God's plan. NEVER GIVE UP....
 


Lesson: I have learned to not take the ability to move, walk, run and leave my house for granted. It seems like such a simple thing, but when you lose the ability to do these basic things, it is really hard. Count your blessings each day!!!!

I have learned so much about myself and my husband as we have faced trials and tribulations this past year. Well, first we both never once thought to give up or feel sorry for ourselves.  Trials are something we all face and some are much harder than others. Ty and I also have had the BIGGEST blessings come and we are humbled at the timing and comfort they have brought to us as a couple. We have felt God's love and know that we have strength to make it through the tough days. We choose to look at things differently. No HAIR... don't care!!!!! No date nights... every night is a date when we simply spend time talking together. It's all how you choose to look at it.   We just have to remain STRONG and keep going together. 

I have been so busy with designing, meetings, moving my office, hiring new staff, preparing for my event in Vegas this month and balancing a schedule that only allows me to sleep a few hours each night. I have learned who my support is. This past month, I have watched as my office team has surrounded me and my family with the most love. To help me, they have offered to do MORE than I would ever expect or ask. As my business has grown, the opportunity to branch out and design more has been growing tremendously.  I am thrilled and excited. This keeps me going because I believe in sharing a message through my products and events. I wanted to thank the people who are helping me keep all the balls rolling. 

I know right now, some days... maybe the balls are rolling in more directions than I can personally handle.  I accept and do need the extra help in keeping the balls all rolling in the right path . I checked my email recently and I had 17,876 unread messages. I wanted to let you know... PLEASE know that I wish I could respond to each and every one of the emails and requests. Many of you email me and share your story. I am stronger from hearing those words. So I want to let each of you know that I ask for your patience right now and please do not be offended if there is not a response right now. The "team" has given me strict orders to focus on what is most important and get more sleep. ha!

If you are a store please know that we are in the process of hiring and expanding our team. Recently we have added Bridget to our sales team. You can contact her at bridget@teresacollinsstudio.com. If you are contacting me to teach/ speaking engagements please email Ashley at ashley@teresacollinsstudio.com. To sign up for any of events you can contact the store directly or email events@teresacollinsstudio to get info or get on the waiting list for the sold out events for next year (cruise, Inspiration Unlimited) 2015. 




This photo was recently taken for my debut at Jo-Ann Fabric and Crafts partnership. I would love to share something personal. When I met the woman who is the reason why I am now in hundreds of their stores, I literally cried. She saw something in me and my designs that spoke to her heart. As I shared my heart, my passion and  WHY I am inspired, she really just "got me." It was like MAGIC. The bigger picture is our love and our belief that crafting and creating is MUCH more than the product. Don't get me  wrong, beautiful product is essential. I am in LOVE with the design process. However, the MEANING is the foundation. Mix them both together and it's truly OVER THE MOON amazing. 

That is why the Hello My Name is was debuted and going into hundreds of stores right now. This special collection is so near and dear to my heart. When I suffered from my stroke November 8th- 15 years ago all I could "think" in my mind was how my children would never remember me. I could not talk or communicate. I was so scared. I look at things differently knowing I am lucky to be alive. I want to encourage YOU to tell your life story. You may think others know, but often the memory forgets what is not written down. There is NO right or wrong way... just do it.

That is why I visit the local scrapbook stores. I hope to share my story. I am headed to Canada this Friday. I wanted to share that I had to postpone my visit to Hannah's Home Accent next weekend. I  know I disappointed so many people coming and the workshops were full. I had no idea when it was scheduled, Taylor would be getting married and this would be her date. We tried to work around my schedule, but in the end it was the best option. 



I love Travis and Taylor.
Taylor called me crying so hard earlier today. Yes, her Mac laptop hard drive 
 crashed. She lost EVERY single photo of her courtship and all photos from the last two years. Needless to say, she regrets not backing up her computer. I unfortunately had this happen to me about two years ago. So that is why I print, print and print my photos and yes, I back my computers up. I am thankful I have photos for her. We printed a bunch of LARGE photos for her for the wedding next week on my CanonPIXMA printer.
REMINDER- backup your photos. She lost all of her photos and is heartbroken.

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17 comments:

Teresa Wilkins said...

Love you. Be strong. I will continue to pray for your adorable family.

hotpotato said...

HUGS TO YOU xxxx

Tracey said...

Thank you for sharing the tough moments. It helps those of us in a situation very similar to yours. Such a tough thing for your family to be going through. The raw moments sneak up on you and you have to just let them happen. Sending thoughts to your family!! And to Taylor in particular for losing her pictures. I know how devastating that is!!

Kathy Jo said...

Stay strong. Stay in faith. Praying for you and Ty. And blessings to all of your family. :)

Sheri Landon said...

You are so inspiring for a lot of us. Thank you for sharing your life in such a personal way that it touches so many of us. Your family will be in my thoughts and prayers.

BethW said...

Much love and many prayers for you and yours. You were such a presence in my thoughts yesterday-and now I know why. Peace,strength,hope, and love be with your entire family.

Dria said...

Big warm hugs and many prayers sent your way.

Deb Boardman said...

First, cry when you need to - it keeps strong
Second, tell your daughter to go to the apple store and see if they can retrieve her data ( my old laptop crashed when the video card went and they restored my data)
It's worth a try

Anonymous said...

Teresa, you need to slow down and take time for yourself. If you get run down and sick you compromise Ty's health and your kids too. You need to be with him. Every time you leave the house, you risk bringing in something harmful and so do the kids, from school.How about video messages... video your kids and others with little messages for Ty to watch when he can, from friends and family, neighbors-- all of them that are praying for him. :)

IslandV said...

Teresa....chills shook my body reading this post...I just CANNOT imagine the level of worry, pain and fear you and your kids must be going through and the strength to focus on life and your business and goals as well to keep going each day. I APPLAUD YOUR STRENGTH AND COURAGE! I felt just a fraction of what you felt when I got a call October of 2012 that my Dad had a major heart attack! I was on the next thing smoking the very next day to get to him states away...I have never had anyone very close to me be very ill or die...and so when I think about it I just cannot fathom it....I just CANNOT! All I can say it positive thoughts and prayer works! God is in control...ALWAYS and HE will NEVER give you more than you can handle! Hold strong my friend and hold tight to the rope of God...you will weather this storm!! (((WARM TIGHT HUGS TO YOU and YOURS))) Your husband and family are in my prayers! xoxoxo

Faye's Crafti Corner said...

Prayers for you all continue, sending you lots of love.

Kristine said...

The Lord is a stronghold for the oppressed, a stronghold in times of trouble. And those who know your name put their trust in you, for you, O Lord, have not forsaken those who seek you. Psalm 9:9-10

Christy - www.hokiecoyote.com said...

Simply in awe of your strength and courage.

teresa collins said...

thank you for the kind words.

Andrea said...

I have a disability called CRPS (it's a nerve condition and it's very painful and I'm stuck in bed most days) but I'm very blessed that what I have is not life threatening, still my heart reaches out to you and your husband and connects to the struggle that you both are going through. My husband and I have to deal with a challenging situation because of my health, but we get through it every day with the power of our love and the grace of God...and a whole lot of laughter helps too (cute scrapbooking stuff for me to play with...well that's definitely a must have as well)! I want you to know that whatever pain and sadness your husband is feeling, the fact that you love him and you are strong for him and there for him (as my sweet husband is for me), means everything in the world to him and makes any challenge and any amount of pain pale in comparison (at least that's what I bet he feels, since that is how I feel about my husband). Love is a light that shines ever brighter in the darkness. God bless you and your family and I hope and pray for you and your family's health and happiness.

Anonymous said...

Hi teresa thinkin of you and your family love and kisses
Tracey mvintyre

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