FACT... I did not want to ever have to face this or share this post again. Maybe this it why I have been avoiding sharing this today. It was only about a week and 1/2 ago when my husband told me on a Sunday afternoon that he thought he had swollen lump nodes. He had noticed one or two the previous days and did not mention them. On Sunday, he could tell that he could feel two of them in his neck. He shared this news with me and I just knew it was not good. I had just come home from church and we cried together in our kitchen. We both knew that this should NOT be happening. Ty was not even at the 100 day mark, to be tested to see if the second stem cell transplant worked. Ty emailed his oncologist that night. It's been a whirlwind... a bad dream.
Please know that his team of doctors and Huntsman Cancer Institute are incredible and are changing the DNA of Cancer care. They have experts and specialists from around the world who help their cancer patients. We have had outstanding care. They have only given us HOPE during this hard time.
They saw Tyler and within a few days the nodes were definitely present and getting larger. Since Ty has a blood cancer, it does spread quickly through the lymph nodes. Tyler has PTCL, peripheral T-cell lymphoma not otherwise specified (PTCL-NOS).
They scheduled a PET scan last Friday. At this point, we knew the cancer was still there. We didn't really want to face it. We got the news later that night that the stem cell transplant did not work and that Ty's cancer was showing up in the neck, abdominal, and pelvic region. I don't know what I could say better to describe then to say that I feel so SAD. I don't want to see Tyler having to go through this. I am SAD that the transplant did not work. I am SAD that the HOPE for remission has not happened. I am SAD that I feel helpless in being able to help him.
Right now, Tyler and I are united on not giving up. My husband wants to live. He has not in any way given up. I have not either. I am a firm believer in MIRACLES and to always... always have HOPE. Ty needs me to be strong. He needs me to his cheerleader. As you can imagine, we spend hours together going on possible ways to BEAT this cancer. We read articles, we watch videos, and we PRAY. We believe....
He is my FOCUS. I listen to my gut. I cancelled going to Canada to teach this coming Friday. I am sorry to disappoint anyone. I have just learned that as much as I must go on and try to keep going, there are times when you listen and know to listen to your gut. I am not scheduling any store appearances in 2015 due to this. I will KNOW when and if Tyler needs me. He knew I was struggling months ago with wanting to simply be with him 24/7 and running my growing company.
Tyler and I had a long talk. He let me know that HE needs me to keep going, and needs me more than ever to support our family. I think this keeps him going. He has not given up because we are a TEAM that doesn't quit. I always tell my team at work-
EVERYTHING is POSSIBLE and NOTHING is IMPOSSIBLE.
Did you know that Tyler googles me everyday? He watches me on HSN (he tapes them and will rematch them), Ty follows me on Facebook and instagram and twitter. He reads every comment that people write to me. Often they include him. He is always touched. Ty is one proud husband of his "designer" wife. Let me tell you, every person needs a TY in their life who thinks they are the BEST thing and person in the entire world. He tells me that I am of worth and meant to change the world. Yes, he puts a LITTLE aka A LOT of pressure on me- because he sees me as so MUCH more than I see myself. I would imagine this is how God sees us. I tell him all the time, that he's crazy. He is just like my mama and tells me to GO and let my LIGHT shine. Lately, I do this with humble tears in my eyes. I cry every single day and then I say to myself... OKAY... go on... I remind myself to GET up... and FIGHT like a warrior with Tyler. I know this battle is hard and well, it's our love for EACH other and our children that keep him going.
This was on Saturday night. My girls and their cute husbands went to Las Vegas to the RISE festival. Taylor and Travis did this lantern for her dad. I keep watching it and keep crying. This is what Taylor wrote:
"Everyone who was there was given lanterns and pens to write our hopes and dreams for the future on. Then we all in unison sent them flying. I did one with my hopes and dreams for my marriage and our future family. And this one was for dad. It say "My Hope and Dream is for a Cure for Cancer! Love you Dad! Forever and Always! 10.18.2014"
I loved this so much and so did Tyler. He watched it and of course cried. How could he not?
This was pure heart felt love. We had to break the news to McKay and Seth this week. They are both serving missions. They both are concerned and I know it is hard for them. It's hard when you really don't have the ANSWERS. We can't tell them what we don't know ourselves. TOMORROW, Ty and I are headed to meet with the oncologist specialist. We are not sure at this point what direction Ty's treatment will take place. They mentioned full body radiation. They mentioned more chemo and another transplant. YES- crazy to think this is even possible. I have been getting hundreds of messages of WHAT Ty should do and just know that I can't possibly answer emails at this time, but I appreciate this so much. Last night, Tyler told me that it is overwhelming with so many people telling him... DO THIS... no, DO THIS... no, THIS is a cure... THIS is what you should do, etc and it is overwhelming. HE would eat dirt if it would save his life. Last night, I told him to pray and he will KNOW what to do. He has tried others things before starting chemo and with the advanced cancer, the chemo saved his life. He was not doing good. You can second guess everything I guess. It's hard when Tyler himself is a doctor and struggles to know WHAT do I do to BEAT this cancer?????
Tyler has been the BIGGEST warrior.
I am right beside him.
I am only strong for him and my kids.
When I feel like I can't go on...
I remind myself that I am his WARRIOR.
I choose to be STRONG and have FAITH in GOD and his plan for Tyler and our family.
All I have to do is just look over at Tyler and know I can face this for him.