Wednesday, October 22, 2014

What do you do?????? DON'T GIVE UP

FACT... I did not want to ever have to face this or share this post again. Maybe this it why I have been avoiding sharing this today. It was only about a week and 1/2 ago when my husband told me on a Sunday afternoon that he thought he had swollen lump nodes. He had noticed one or two the previous days and did not mention them. On Sunday, he could tell that he could feel two of them in his neck. He shared this news with me and I just knew it was not good. I had just come home from church and we cried together in our kitchen. We both knew that this should NOT be happening. Ty was not even at the 100 day mark, to be tested to see if the second stem cell transplant worked. Ty emailed his oncologist that night. It's been a whirlwind... a bad dream.

Please know that his team of doctors and Huntsman Cancer Institute are incredible and are changing the DNA of Cancer care. They have experts and specialists from around the world who help their cancer patients. We have had outstanding care. They have only given us HOPE during this hard time. 

They saw Tyler and within a few days the nodes were definitely present and getting larger. Since Ty has a blood cancer, it does spread quickly through the lymph nodes. Tyler has PTCL, peripheral T-cell lymphoma not otherwise specified (PTCL-NOS). 

They scheduled a PET scan last Friday. At this point, we knew the cancer was still there. We didn't really want to face it. We got the news later that night that the stem cell transplant did not work and that Ty's cancer was showing up in the neck, abdominal, and pelvic region. I don't know what I could say better to describe then to say that I feel so SAD. I don't want to see Tyler having to go through this. I am SAD that the transplant did not work. I am SAD that the HOPE for remission has not happened. I am SAD that I feel helpless in being able to help him. 




Right now, Tyler and I are united on not giving up. My husband wants to live. He has not in any way given up. I have not either. I am a firm believer in MIRACLES and to always... always have HOPE. Ty needs me to be strong. He needs me to his cheerleader. As you can imagine, we spend hours together going on possible ways to BEAT this cancer. We read articles, we watch videos, and we PRAY.  We believe....




He is my FOCUS. I listen to my gut. I cancelled going to Canada to teach this coming Friday. I am sorry to disappoint anyone. I have just learned that as much as I must go on and try to keep going, there are times when you listen and know to listen to your gut. I am not scheduling any store appearances in 2015 due to this. I will KNOW when and if Tyler needs me. He knew I was struggling months ago with wanting to simply be with him 24/7 and running my growing company. 

Tyler and I had a long talk. He let me know that HE needs me to keep going, and needs me more than ever to support our family. I think this keeps him going. He has not given up because we are a TEAM that doesn't quit.  I always tell my team at work- 

EVERYTHING is POSSIBLE and NOTHING is IMPOSSIBLE.




Did you know that Tyler googles me everyday? He watches me on HSN (he tapes them and will rematch them), Ty follows me on Facebook and instagram and twitter. He reads every comment that people write to me. Often they include him. He is always touched.  Ty is one proud husband of his "designer" wife. Let me tell you, every person needs a TY in their life who thinks they are the BEST thing and person in the entire world. He tells me that I am of worth and  meant to change the world.  Yes, he puts a LITTLE aka A LOT of pressure on me- because he sees me as so MUCH more than I see myself. I would imagine this is how God sees us.  I tell him all the time, that he's crazy. He is just like my mama and tells me to GO and let my LIGHT shine. Lately, I do this with humble tears in my eyes. I cry every single day and then I say to myself... OKAY... go on... I remind myself to GET up... and FIGHT like a warrior with Tyler. I know this battle is hard and well, it's our love for EACH other and our children that keep him going. 


video

This was on Saturday night. My girls and their cute husbands went to Las Vegas to the RISE festival. Taylor and Travis did this lantern for her dad. I keep watching it and keep crying. This is what Taylor wrote:

"Everyone who was there was given lanterns and pens to write our hopes and dreams for the future on. Then we all in unison sent them flying. I did one with my hopes and dreams for my marriage and our future family. And this one was for dad. It say "My Hope and Dream is for a Cure for Cancer! Love you Dad! Forever and Always! 10.18.2014"

I loved this so much and so did Tyler. He watched it and of course cried. How could he not? 




This was pure heart felt love. We had to break the news to McKay and Seth this week. They are both serving missions. They both are concerned and I know it is hard for them. It's hard when you really don't have the ANSWERS. We can't tell them what we don't know ourselves. TOMORROW, Ty and I are headed to meet with the oncologist specialist. We are not sure at this point what direction Ty's treatment will take place. They mentioned full body radiation. They mentioned more chemo and another transplant. YES- crazy to think this is even possible. I have been getting hundreds of messages of WHAT Ty should do and just know that I can't possibly answer emails at this time, but I appreciate this so much. Last night, Tyler told me that it is overwhelming with so many people telling him... DO THIS... no, DO THIS... no, THIS is a cure... THIS is what you should do, etc and it is overwhelming. HE would eat dirt if it would save his life. Last night, I told him to pray and he will KNOW what to do.  He has tried others things before starting chemo and with the advanced cancer, the chemo saved his life. He was not doing good. You can second guess everything I guess. It's hard when Tyler himself is a doctor and struggles to know WHAT do I do to BEAT this cancer?????


Tyler has been the BIGGEST warrior. 




                                       I am right beside him.

                        I am only strong for him and my kids. 


                           When I feel like I can't go on... 

                     I remind myself that I am his WARRIOR. 

I choose to be STRONG and have FAITH in GOD and his plan for Tyler and our family. 

All I have to do is just look over at Tyler and know I can face this for him. 


post signature

49 comments:

Lynne Forsythe said...

As I read this I cried....for you...your family....and for me. The love of my life was diagnosed with Mantle Cell Lymphoma last September.....he chose to do chemo....but was unable to do a stem cell transplant (his body couldn't seem to generate enough stem cells)....he is in "remission" but is showing signs. I cry too.....I cry alot...life is in limbo...but we MUST KEEP trudging forward....for our loves....for our children....but also for ourselves. BE STRONG sweet lady! Nobody said life would be easy...only that it was to be lived! Live Boldly....Love Deeply and NEVER LOOSE HOPE!

Michelle Clark said...

Teresa, I am so sorry to hear this. I have followed your family's journey with cancer since the beginning. My heart breaks for you. I have no words of comfort except to say a lot of people are praying for your family! I don't think you realize you are an inspiration to so many people. I can feel your sincerity of heart in your blog posts. I will keep praying!

ElizabethR said...

I also cried as I read this, when someone you love has cancer you life is engulfed in a whilwind. Stay brave, stay strond and never, never give up hope. God only throws curve balls at those he knows are strongest to deal with them. Sending you and yours love and hope, Elizabeth xxx

hotpotato said...

BIG BIG HUGS. xxx

Anonymous said...

Ty, you are doing exactly what needs to be done right at this moment; fighting, praying, learning, hoping, praying, listening, leaning, praying...over and over again a million times a day. You and your family are in my prayers every single day. Faith is, at the end of the day, the most valuable testament that we have and the one thing God empowers us with continuously.

cindym said...

Well said Teresa. My heart aches for you and your entire family. You need to keep doing what your gut is telling you is right for you, Ty and your family. And never give up hope. I wrap my arms around you and your family to give you a huge hug.

Anonymous said...

Dear Teresa and Ty,

Please know that you have so many people praying for you, even someone like me, a complete stranger who LOVES Teresa's blog and is so inspired by it. You are strong in your faith, and God must be so proud of you both! Find the best doctor at the Huntsman Center, share from your heart how overwhelmed you are by what to do next, and ask him/her what they would do if they were in your shoes. Then just trust that this wisdom is the right path to follow. I will pray for you and your family and may God bless you through this very difficult time.

Grace said...

there are just no right words just lots of prayers going out to all of you even the doctors to guide your husband. xoox Grace

Peggy Lee said...

As I read your sweet words of hope, courage, faith and strength for your Ty and family and You....my heart felt like is was leaping out of my chest....I cried out to the Lord Almighty!! Teresa you are a strong and mighty woman of God, yes you stand strong and faithful along side your Ty...we all understand that commitment to our loved ones. I will so continue to pray for you and Ty and your family.

BethW said...

You listened to your heart-that is the only thing you HAVE to do. Your journey together has changed the life of countless people you will never know or meet. Your spirit has changed lives. Not a fair exchange for what you are going through I know-but everything you have done or said has mattered. Peace and love be with you always.

Debby de Wilde said...

I am so sorry to hear this Teresa. Just follow your heart.

tndj said...

Ty and Teresa - you continue to be in my prayers. Miracles do happen.

Anonymous said...

praying that you will clearly know which direction to follow!! - Judyinhuntsville AL

Anonymous said...

Our thoughts are with you always.
Michaela and Andrea

Anonymous said...

I have a lump in my throat and tears down my face. you both are so brave. continued prayers and blessing.
~janet cox

sunflowerlori said...

I have no answers for you but I offer you my prayers! I pray for strength for Ty that his body remains strong to fight this and I pray for Teresa and the kids during this process. You are an incredible family!
My thoughts and prayers are for you. ~Lori

beccagoose said...

Faith & belief in miracles. Don't give up either.

michib said...

Continuing to hold you and your family in my thoughts and prayers.

Anonymous said...

Praying for you big time--You got this Ty, we are all here praying for you and your family!! Sending lots of love from Seattle!

antenucci said...

Wish there was something to say, except Jesus is our healer and we will continue to pray for you and your family. I can't begin to imagine what you and your family go through each and everyday.

Rachel K said...

I'm so saddened to hear this. My heart just breaks for you! I can't imagine what you are going through. I'm praying for you, Tyler and your family, and I wanted to encourage you with these verses "And the God of all grace, who called you to his eternal glory in Christ, after you have suffered a little while, will himself restore you and make you strong, firm and steadfast. To him be the power for ever and ever. Amen." 1 Peter 5:10-11

Philippa said...

Hi Teresa honey, your gorgeous Ty and family, oh honeys I'm saddened beyond words that you all have to go through this. Ty, if you are reading this - you are the most incredibly strong, amazing man and I honestly believe with everything in me that because of your strength and love for your family you will beat this. Teresa honey, I wish I could just click my fingers and be there to give you a huge hug. I can only imagine what you are feeling deep inside and your tenacity and strength to keep fighting for your beloved is an inspiration to so many! I'm sending every ounce of my extra strength to keep you, Ty and your family going as you continue to battle this cancer. I truly believe positive thinking can and does work miracles. Much love and many, many, warm heartfelt hugs to you all. xxxxxxx

CA Scrapper said...

I'm so sorry Ty is going through this. I have lost both my parents and my best friend to cancer so I know how hard it is to see someone you love struggling. You want to fix it for them. All Ty can do is listen to his doctors and keep fighting. I am sending prayers to you, Ty and your whole family. As hard as this is, your positive attitude will help Ty every day. Cry when you need to, you are entitled to that. Keep that beautiful smile on your face and that positive attitude in your heart. God bless you and your family.

Leslie

Hannah Lemieux said...

My heart breaks for Ty and you!! I know words can never be enough. I can only imagine the feeling and emotions you feel now, my daughter is in treatment for ALL right now and the thought of returning cancer is always a driving force to keep fighting as hard as you can to break free. I will be praying for peace and comfort over your life as you fight this next obstacle! I hope that the thought of so many pray warriors behind you fighting in the only way we can gives you the extra courage and strength to be the biggest fighter in Tys life!!
May God bless you greatly!
Hannah

Cindy - FL said...

I too am saddened by your heartbreaking news right along with everyone else. It's a shame that there is no cure yet for cancer, but I'm hopeful! You, Ty and your family continue to be in my prayers. Miracles DO happen and I wish with all my heart that Tyler is the recipient of one. I know you both will stay strong and NEVER give up.

Jean said...

I am so sorry to read this. It is difficult to imagine living like this. All I can say is stay strong and give it to God.

Susan said...

God bless your entire family! Your love story is an inspiration forever!

Anonymous said...

Continued prayers for you, Ty and your family. I believe the name Ty Collins is on many lips being lifted up in prayer for healing. Love from Tennessee.

Pam said...

You are all in my prayers. Your strength is inspiring! You have been blessed with love and faith and may you be blessed with a miracle. You are in my prayers.

Leah Burgett said...

Praying for you all. Much love!

Izzy Anderson said...

I went through my own cancer struggle this year. It was a long tough battle and I have such love, respect and hope for Ty, you and your family. Together you will move mountains. You have already touched so many people with your example and writings and words of wisdom, hope and struggle. Thank you for keeping it real. You and your family are often in my thoughts. I am so sorry you are battling this beast. My prayers are with you.

paula riehl said...

prayers going up

fostergc said...

Keep fighting Dr.Collins! You and your family are in my prayers . I'm currently in remission with liver cancer- same thing my mom had. It sucks , it drains you, it's not fair! But , keep fighting !!!!

rhonda nickol said...

I think of you ,Ty and your family everyday,I pray for you every single day. My mom has stage 4 lung cancer it is terminal. I HATE this awful disease and I pray for strength to get thru this and visiting your blog gives me hope and courage to face each day so thank you for that.

Donna said...

never give up.

patty messner said...

thank you for sharing...
you & your family are in my thoughts & prayers.
stay...
#WARRIORSTRONG
xoxo...
-p

mommyx2 said...

I am praying for your family and you, for a miracle.

Teresa said...

As I sit here, reading, crying and praying - I am so humbled. This is a difficult and thorny path in this journey of your life. Your heartfelt emotions, your faith in God and sincerity just flood these pages. People mean well. No one knows what they will do until they walk in these same footprints. Ultimately, it is Ty's decision and he will know the right decision to make at the right time. The two of you have pricked the hearts of many and set the stage for the example of a marriage ordained by God. I know you know what I am about to say, but sometimes it helps to hear it. Some people live a life time and never experience the kind of love you have for each other and your precious family. Revel in it - choose joy every day - Put on the full armor of God; we your prayer warriors will stand in the gap. We pray for healing, for strength in mind and body, for peace of heart and mind. Praying for you - one Teresa to another. Teresa ( Mississippi)

Anonymous said...

I will not give any advice or say I understand; because, I don't...I have no idea how it is for you, Ty, and your family to deal with your situation. All I can do is pray for you and keep you in my thoughts, as I read your blog and use your products every day.
~Sheryl Devereaux

Anonymous said...

I said a prayer for you today
And know God must have heard-
I felt the answer in my heart
Although he spoke no word!
I didn’t ask for wealth or fame
(I knew you wouldn’t mind)-
I asked him to send treasures
Of a far more lasting kind!
I asked that he’d be near you
At the start of each new day
To grant you health and blessings
And friends to share your way!
I asked for happiness for you
In all thinks great and small-
But it was for his loving care
I prayed the most of all!

Liz O. said...

Praying for a cure! You and your family are in my thoughts and prayers, be strong!
Enjoy each other!

celia c. said...

Oh my I couldnt sleep tonight and thought I wouldcatch up on blogs. I am a cargcaregiver of 3 now was 4. I put my business n life on hold. People think its selfish of others to ask. But you go with your gut feeling n you are absolutely right on gping with yours and what Ty wants or requestyou to do. You live like its the most prprecious request they ask I am so feeling your life in God s hands n pray . Believe ing in miracles he life never ceases to amaze me. Hugs, love to u both n family. Continue your strength n know you all are nvr alone. Thank u fir sharing . Prayer warriors are united n encircling all of you..blessings-C

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