Wednesday, November 12, 2014

Being GRATEFUL

I would be the biggest liar if I did not say that my heart is hurting right now. My best friend was admitted to the hospital today. They actually wanted to admit him yesterday, but he refused. In the last few days Tyler has not been able to eat or drink. His pain has been overwhelming and out of control. The lymphoma has spread. I don't want to share or focus on the details. Today we had another appointment. He was barely walking. For the first time ever, I had to get the wheelchair to get him out of the car. I pushed him down the hallway. I thought, this is the man that I love more than words. This is the man that I built a family with. This is the man that I adore and want a miracle to happen to save him. I tried to hold back the tears as I pushed him down the hall at Huntsmen. I had tears in my eyes and saw that people were staring. I am so thankful that he choose me. That we made a covenant to each other for all time and eternity as husband and wife. We promised to always be there for each other. I feel God is blessing me to be able to help Ty. I know that God is mindful of each of us and our needs. I am so grateful that I have had his love and companionship. I will be grateful for each day (the good and the bad). Yes, Ty has made me a better me. 

What I want to share is this...

DON'T TAKE ONE SINGLE DAY FOR GRANTED. DON'T LET A DAY GO BY WITHOUT TELLING YOUR LOVED ONES HOW MUCH YOU LOVE THEM.  All I can do now is tell Ty how much I love him. THIS is all that matters. 



I have prayed for Tyler to no longer suffer and hurt. This type of cancer is so intensely painful and yet he doesn't complain. He wants to live. He keeps telling me that he can't go because "I can't do it without him." I don't want to. I want to beg him to stay with me. I know that no matter what happens it is God's will. I reassure my husband that I am strong and I will be okay. I don't tell him that my heart is breaking and I don't know how I will ever get over losing him. I don't want to worry about that. I know that TODAY I will focus on just being so GRATEFUL for what we have and being so thankful. I know he will be with me forever. I love him with my all my being and soul. I used to take it day by day...
Now it is moment by moment.
I cherish every I love you.
I cherish holding his hand.


Right now, I am truly just focusing all my attention and time to my husband and children. I hated leaving him at the hospital tonight. They reassured me that he would be sleeping and they will get him hydrated and the pain levels under control.


I know so many of you are praying for us and our family. THANK YOU. I truly
feel them. My thoughts are always with my children. I know that each of them are struggling but trying to be strong for me. We spend a lot of time laughing and crying because it HAPPENED. We are GRATEFUL.





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68 Comments:

At November 12, 2014 at 1:33 AM , Blogger Veronica said...

Teresa, I'm praying that God keeps his loving arms of protection around Ty, you and your family. Blessed be the tie that binds...

 
At November 12, 2014 at 4:00 AM , Blogger Tracey said...

My heart goes out to you and your family! Continue to enjoy every moment. I learned very recently that they are gone all too soon. Sending you strength.

 
At November 12, 2014 at 6:50 AM , Blogger Michelle Clark said...

I've prayed for your family for a long time, but I'm saying a special prayer today!

 
At November 12, 2014 at 7:31 AM , Blogger Margie H said...

T, know that I have been thinking and praying here from Japan. Really want to give you HUGS in person. Keep strong and take care of yourself. Love you friend!! MargieH in Chicago xo

 
At November 12, 2014 at 8:26 AM , Blogger Lynne Smith said...

Oh Teresa, I feel your pain. I lost my husband 16 years ago and not a day goes by that I don't wish for his return. But I found comfort in the children I had with him and concentrated on raising them as they were so young. I pray for you and Ty. I pray for his full recovery and long life. He is a warrior.

 
At November 12, 2014 at 8:32 AM , Blogger Jean said...

I am so sorry. You and Ty have incredible strength. Praying for you.

 
At November 12, 2014 at 8:33 AM , Blogger Renee Robbins said...

We're thinking and praying for you. Hugs go out to you and your family. Hope strong, T.

 
At November 12, 2014 at 8:36 AM , Anonymous Kristie said...

Sending my love and prayers to you and your family.

 
At November 12, 2014 at 8:38 AM , Anonymous Anonymous said...

Teresa, my heart is breaking for you all. Be strong and cherish every moment. Hugs to you all
Ann K

 
At November 12, 2014 at 8:44 AM , Blogger Scrapperdipper said...

I know that I am a complete stranger to you, but I just felt I had to comment on your recent blog post. You, Ty and your entire family are in my prayers. I just want you to know that your words inspire me to be a better person. In the midst of all you are handling, you are graceful, loving and truly amazing. You remind me that we all have so much to be grateful for.

 
At November 12, 2014 at 8:45 AM , Blogger Ian's Girl said...

You are surrounded by love and prayer ...I'm glad you can feel it.

 
At November 12, 2014 at 8:49 AM , Blogger hotpotato said...

Big, big hugs to you and Ty, I hope they manage to control his pain so that life for him is manageable. xx

 
At November 12, 2014 at 8:56 AM , Blogger Kirsten Juenke said...

Oh dear girl, my heart hurts for you. Sending hugs and healing prayers.

 
At November 12, 2014 at 9:04 AM , Blogger brenda said...

Praying for you and your family.

 
At November 12, 2014 at 9:42 AM , Blogger Debi tullier said...

Love and prayers

 
At November 12, 2014 at 9:50 AM , Blogger Vanessa said...

I can't imagine what you are going through. You and your family are in my prayers.

 
At November 12, 2014 at 9:54 AM , Blogger kimhacking said...

Sending you love and peace as it wraps around you and your precious family.

 
At November 12, 2014 at 10:01 AM , Blogger Leslie said...

Just a huge Huge to you and your family. Prayers are still coming your way!

 
At November 12, 2014 at 10:22 AM , Blogger tndj said...

Praying for Ty, you and your family. Just went through an episode with my husband and
congestive heart disease. Scary but we made it through. You are strong and you too
will make it through. You have had a long struggle but hang in there girl! You can do it.

 
At November 12, 2014 at 11:02 AM , Blogger Julie Detlefsen said...

You are in my thoughts and prayers.

 
At November 12, 2014 at 11:22 AM , Anonymous Anonymous said...

No words to say other than I am so sorry for what you are going through.

 
At November 12, 2014 at 11:25 AM , Anonymous Anonymous said...

Thank you for sharing your hear and your journey. My family has walked a similar path with cancer and it is heartbreaking. My thoughts and prayers surround you, Ty and your entire family. May God graciously provide all that you need.

 
At November 12, 2014 at 12:39 PM , Blogger Gayle215 said...

I will continue to pray for a miracle for your family. Thank you for sharing this. We all need a reminder.

 
At November 12, 2014 at 12:41 PM , Anonymous Anonymous said...

Thank-you for sharing your story and reminding us to be grateful. Just know you and your family are in lots of people thoughts.

 
At November 12, 2014 at 12:53 PM , Anonymous Anonymous said...

Sending love, light and prayers to you all. I am grateful for YOU, for your ability to find beauty and grace in this dark season and for this reminder that every moment is a gift. xxxxx

 
At November 12, 2014 at 1:16 PM , Blogger rhonda nickol said...

Teresa,Ty and family please know that I pray for you all everyday. My mom is battling stage 4 lung cancer that has now spread to her brain and every single time I am with her I talk about what your family is going through and we pray together for each of you.

 
At November 12, 2014 at 1:36 PM , Blogger BethW said...

All my love and prayers are with you-follow your heart dear girl and always believe in miracles.

 
At November 12, 2014 at 2:10 PM , Blogger LyndaKay said...

Praying for a miracle.

 
At November 12, 2014 at 2:32 PM , Blogger Vanessa McKelvey-Smith said...

Praying for a continued miracle, much strength and love.

 
At November 12, 2014 at 2:52 PM , Anonymous Lorrie-Canada said...

Rhonda, I too went through the same cancers with my Mom. Helping her was the hardest thing to ever go through, almost 10 years ago now. She brought us into the world and we helped her to leave it. We miss her every day. Hugs...

 
At November 12, 2014 at 3:05 PM , Blogger Sara Andrews said...

I am praying for Ty, for you and your family.

 
At November 12, 2014 at 3:26 PM , Anonymous Shannon R said...

You and your family are in my thoughts often. I will pray for you and your family. I do agree that you need to be thankful everyday for what/who you have in your life. Hugs to you!

 
At November 12, 2014 at 4:24 PM , Anonymous Anonymous said...

Your all in my thoughts i love your honesty and trust in god your special
love tracey

 
At November 12, 2014 at 5:01 PM , Blogger Faye's Crafti Corner said...

I wish I could do more than pray but it is the only thing I can do for you and your family at this time. God is listening and He hears our cries and prayers for you. Just know you are always in my thoughts and I pray for you each time I think of you. God please watch over the Collins family especially Ty. May they feel you with them always through this journey.

 
At November 12, 2014 at 5:20 PM , Blogger jcobb said...

I am praying for your miracle. I have been where you are now so I do feel your pain. My husband fought brain cancer for almost 6 years and he was like your Ty, more concerned for me than for himself. We had 40 beautiful years together before losing him on 11/24/11. I can tell you to cherish every precious second and make as many loving memories as you can with your love and your children. God bless you all.

 
At November 12, 2014 at 5:41 PM , Blogger trixiecat said...

I have to agree with jcobb - cherish every precious second - which it sounds like you have always done. You are such an inspiration to me and I am sure many others. I would be a mess in your situation. But you instead, find all of the positive and gratitude in everything around you. And also you share your inner most thoughts of honesty. You really have given me a lot to think about and giving me the ambition to look at my glass as being full, rather than somewhat empty. You are Ty, as well as your beautiful family are all in my thoughts.

 
At November 12, 2014 at 8:17 PM , Anonymous Wendy S. said...

Teresa, I am overwhelmed just reading your words. My heart aches. Thank you for sharing such a personal journey with us. I am grateful to you for sharing your story and your feelings. I pray for strength and peace for Ty. I pray that that that the love your sweet family has for each other continues to shine through. xoxo

 
At November 12, 2014 at 8:57 PM , Blogger Angie said...

You are seriously one of the most admirable women that I know, even though I have never met you, I have followed you for years and truly look forward to your blog to listen to what you have to say--you inspire me everyday to be a better person. Thinking of you and your family. Sending lots of love from Seattle, Wa

 
At November 12, 2014 at 9:20 PM , Blogger fostergc said...

Praying for gods comfort for Tyler, you and your family. Praying he wraps his arms around all of you and holds you tight! You're stronger than you will ever know :)

 
At November 13, 2014 at 12:45 AM , Anonymous Philippa said...

Oh Teresa honey, my heart breaks reading this.. I have no words that can comfort, I know.. just know that I love you all and am sending ALL of my extra strength to you and your gorgeous family. Please touch Ty's hand for me.. He is an amazing man.. so strong and wants to live just for you and your family. That is BEYOND special! Love you xxxx

 
At November 13, 2014 at 5:03 AM , Blogger Kathy Jo said...

Praying for you. Thankful that Heavenly Father has provided you with strength, love and hope. I know that your peace and love will continue on. In faith and prayer... hugs to you all.

 
At November 13, 2014 at 6:30 AM , Blogger Sheri Landon said...

My thoughts and prayers are with you and your family.

 
At November 13, 2014 at 4:46 PM , Blogger gela said...

I so admire your strength (yes you have it) and faith. Continued prayers to the entire family.

 
At November 13, 2014 at 5:19 PM , Anonymous Anonymous said...

I am posting anonymous because typepad won't let me in. This is Pat Cloud and I want to say that I am praying for your enitre family. Praying for peace and comfort knowing that God will do His will in your lives. He will give you the strength to go on.

 
At November 13, 2014 at 10:47 PM , Blogger Thi Tran said...

Tereasa, I am so heartbroken reading This. If there was way that I can give my health to Ty and make him well, I would! I work in the health field and will never understand this horrible disease that so many have fought or is fighting. Just be strong and thnk positive. We've never met but I follow your blog and works. I love all the beautiful things you design to help us preserve our memories. You've inspired me to take more photos and cherished every moments. Thank you!!

 
At November 14, 2014 at 9:14 AM , Blogger LuAnn Murphy said...

Thinking of you and your family everyday.

 
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