Being GRATEFUL

I would be the biggest liar if I did not say that my heart is hurting right now. My best friend was admitted to the hospital today. They actually wanted to admit him yesterday, but he refused. In the last few days Tyler has not been able to eat or drink. His pain has been overwhelming and out of control. The lymphoma has spread. I don't want to share or focus on the details. Today we had another appointment. He was barely walking. For the first time ever, I had to get the wheelchair to get him out of the car. I pushed him down the hallway. I thought, this is the man that I love more than words. This is the man that I built a family with. This is the man that I adore and want a miracle to happen to save him. I tried to hold back the tears as I pushed him down the hall at Huntsmen. I had tears in my eyes and saw that people were staring. I am so thankful that he choose me. That we made a covenant to each other for all time and eternity as husband and wife. We promised to always be there for each other. I feel God is blessing me to be able to help Ty. I know that God is mindful of each of us and our needs. I am so grateful that I have had his love and companionship. I will be grateful for each day (the good and the bad). Yes, Ty has made me a better me. 

What I want to share is this...

DON'T TAKE ONE SINGLE DAY FOR GRANTED. DON'T LET A DAY GO BY WITHOUT TELLING YOUR LOVED ONES HOW MUCH YOU LOVE THEM.  All I can do now is tell Ty how much I love him. THIS is all that matters. 

I have prayed for Tyler to no longer suffer and hurt. This type of cancer is so intensely painful and yet he doesn't complain. He wants to live. He keeps telling me that he can't go because "I can't do it without him." I don't want to. I want to beg him to stay with me. I know that no matter what happens it is God's will. I reassure my husband that I am strong and I will be okay. I don't tell him that my heart is breaking and I don't know how I will ever get over losing him. I don't want to worry about that. I know that TODAY I will focus on just being so GRATEFUL for what we have and being so thankful. I know he will be with me forever. I love him with my all my being and soul. I used to take it day by day...
Now it is moment by moment.
I cherish every I love you.
I cherish holding his hand.

Right now, I am truly just focusing all my attention and time to my husband and children. I hated leaving him at the hospital tonight. They reassured me that he would be sleeping and they will get him hydrated and the pain levels under control.

I know so many of you are praying for us and our family. THANK YOU. I truly
feel them. My thoughts are always with my children. I know that each of them are struggling but trying to be strong for me. We spend a lot of time laughing and crying because it HAPPENED. We are GRATEFUL.