I remember a night in a hotel in Chicago for business. My husband texted me to let me know that he wanted me to listen to this song. I was overwhelmed with love and feeling the SAME way that he was. This song is EXACTLY how I am feeling right now.
I was getting ready for bed that night at the hotel and I watched this video over and over. I love that he always wanted to be with me. "I am here without you baby but your still on my lonely mind. I think about you baby, but you are still with me in my dreams. And tonight, it's only you and me. Everything know and anywhere I go, it gets hard but it won't take away my love. And when the last one falls when it's all said and done it gets hard but it won't take away my love."
I miss him so much that the pain is hard to articulate and feel. I am planning his funeral. This is what is keeping me going. I want it to be a tribute to him and his life. I am going through photographs. I got up at 4am with Zach. It's hard to sleep and to focus. I don't fight it and know that everyone mourns in their own way. Right now, I am listening to songs that comfort me. I am pouring through photos. I never thought I would be in my forties and lose the love of my life. I never imagined having to go to the cemetery yesterday and picking the grave and my grave. Can this be a horrible bad dream? I am not angry one ounce. I am so thankful it happened. I am so thankful we found each other. I just miss him. I am more determined to honor, love and make him proud that I am his wife.