Monday, December 1, 2014

Just what I needed....

I woke up this morning to get the boys off to school. I was having a debate in my head. How can I go to work? Maybe I wasn't ready. I had this conversation and of course, I ended up telling myself. 


I went to the office and I realized that I needed to take these steps. Yes, I cried and realized that with so much on my plate
right now, I'm overwhelmed. So much to do to get
things in order. So many things and yet I am trying to not make any mistakes. I realize how blessed I really am and I told myself to be "gentle" on myself.

I went to the DMV. My husband had bought a vehicle for the boys and I now had to register, do emissions and pay the fees. I guess the paperwork was not done correctly and I was told I needed to come back and needed the "right" forms. That is when the tears started to flow and I explained that my husband had died and I had never done this before. She was so sweet and we talked about
the fact that the cars we have are all in our family trust. She mentioned how more people should do this. She had compassion for me and told me to come back and it would be okay.

CRAZY... crying at the DMV. That is okay... because ALL of these experiences will make me STRONGER and next time, I will know it. I sure appreciate what great effort Ty took to take care of me and the kids all of these years. 

Last night, I was going to bed and thinking about Tyler and I had no idea that Ty had posted this on his instagram page-

Ty always told me YOU are my BEST FRIEND.
I can't believe I did not see the instagram post sooner.
He often told me I was his ONLY friend. He said he did not 
need any one else but me.


This is so cute! It was the very last post that he did. I loved it because:

1. HE hated social media sites. He did this to follow what the kids and I were posting.
2. He only had maybe 10 followers.
3. He rarely posted. So I missed his very last post. I just found out that he had done it.
4. THIS was his LAST post in July 2014.
5. This is a tender mercy. He always told me that I was his BEST FRIEND. He would remind me that in the end it was just us. The kids would grow up and leave us and WE were always gonna be BEST FRIENDS. He called me his best friend all the time.

How grateful and thankful I am today... yes, I can SMILE because I have been so blessed. 

I came home from a couple hours at my office and found a package waiting for me. This is the tag attached. "Hi My name is Archibald and I am a Burden Bear. I have been sent to you because someone wants you to know they think about you a lot. I can be placed anywhere you want me to be. When your daily burdens become to much for you to Bear alone, all you have to do is grab onto me. I will listen to your heart and feel your tears. Let me comfort you because that is what I was made to do." I cried as I read the card with the bear from Juel McDonald. How did she know I needed this today???? I hope it's okay I added gold ribbon around his neck. I needed some GOLD to remind me to SHINE.  I was thrilled to get his bear today in the mail. Of course, it was a surprise and I cried as I read the note from Juel. It said when I felt I was okay to pass this bear along to someone else. The note told me to be GENTLE... very GENTLE with myself. I have forever been changed and yet, I can see the GOOD things that have and will continue because of this journey.

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At December 1, 2014 at 8:48 PM , Blogger KAT said...

beautiful - that bear, the sentiment - just beautiful!

At December 1, 2014 at 9:37 PM , Blogger Monica Weaver said...

Teresa, I remember the first time I went back to work after my daughter died. It was the most difficult thing to walk through the door. I didn't know what to expect and didn't know if I could keep it together. I remember walking into the school I taught at and the assistant principal motioning me to come into her office. She leaned over, hugged me, and I lost it. It was so difficult, yet so refreshing to cry and to have her reach out to me in a way I never expected. I will never forget what she did for me that day. I knew it was a long journey ahead of me but it was a BIG first step and it made all the difference in the world to know somebody was there to be by my side and to cry with me.

At December 1, 2014 at 9:39 PM , Blogger gela said...

What a thoughtful, wonderful, awesome gift.

At December 1, 2014 at 10:20 PM , Blogger Melissa said...

Archibald looks fantastic with a signature Teresa Collins gold bow!

At December 1, 2014 at 10:49 PM , Blogger sunflowerlori said...

What a darling bear! I love the gold ribbon! You are the bravest woman I know of...but it's ok to not be brave all the time. Let your kids help helps them, too. :)

At December 1, 2014 at 11:06 PM , Blogger Lynda Jeffs said...

Lost someone very close to me 3 days after my birthday, and then my dad 5 years to the day later... I promise you will get through - but it will take time... Know we are all thinking of you!

At December 2, 2014 at 1:26 AM , Blogger Veronica said...

what a blessing to find that instagram post. very touching!

At December 2, 2014 at 4:17 AM , Blogger Kathy Jo said...

You are a warrior! And an amazing woman! Tears are ok! You can do this!

At December 2, 2014 at 5:31 AM , Blogger mandy Heli said...

Hi Teresa, you've got this, you are strong, you have faith and love and memories. Keep being a warrior. Much love. X💕💕💕

At December 2, 2014 at 8:17 AM , Blogger Laura Turcotte said...

So beautiful! You are strong, Teresa---don't forget ! And it is totally ok to the DMV, grocery store, wherever! uh, hello? You have been through alot, and you are totally entitled to cry. My heart goes out yo you and your family---{{HUGS}}}

At December 2, 2014 at 11:26 AM , Blogger Juel said...

It makes me so happy to know this little guy has made a difference. Changing the bow is totally fine! If I had a gold ribbon that is what I would have done ;) Many blessings!

At December 2, 2014 at 1:38 PM , Blogger Karen L K said...

It doesn't surprise me that you put that gold bow on that wonderful bear. What a thoughtful thing for Juel to do for you. The fact that you are very open about your struggles helps many people. You are such a special woman.

At December 2, 2014 at 1:40 PM , Blogger Jean said...

Such a wonderful bear!

At December 2, 2014 at 5:28 PM , Blogger Cindy - FL said...

How thoughtful and clever is that cute little Burden Bear! It's good to see that you felt up (not sure that's the right wording) to going into your office, even if only for a little while. I can't imagine how difficult everything is for you and your family right now, but I'm crying right along with I'm sure many others are as well. I'm sure your words and sharing your heart are helping others to cope and know that they too are not alone.

At December 3, 2014 at 10:19 AM , Blogger teresa collins said...

YOU have not only helped me, but inspired THOUSANDS of people to do the same. THANK YOU Juel for your kindness. THANK YOU!!!!

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