Saturday, December 27, 2014

You can do this!!!!!!

I think that for me, I am growing in ways I never thought imaginable. I find times where I just want to be alone to THINK. I overthink so much. I want to remember. I am afraid I will forget Ty. I will forget something important. I found myself in our closet last night for about three hours. I shed many tears as I looked and went through some of this stuff. I wanted to be close to him. I wanted to remember it all. I found that I would laugh, cry, smile, be sad and just go through the process again. 




I have strongly felt Heavenly Father has lessons for me to learn in Ty's absence. I think because his is gone, I am meant to grow and have this opportunity to test my faith. I strongly believe in God's Plan of Salvation for his children. I really do know with my heart that death is not the end. Still it's sad to not have our loved ones with us. My house is different now. For weeks, I expected him to walk into the room, but now I no longer expect this. It has felt like long long long weeks since Tyler died. It seems like so much longer. 

I don't and won't let myself feel sorry for myself. I know so many widows have faced this and raised their children without their husband. I could choose to use this as a excuse for a sad and dysfunctional life, but I won't allow this to happen. I have too much gratitude and thankfulness to not only survive but thrive. We all have trials and I know bad things do happen to us in life. It's how we handle what happens to us. 

Yesterday, I was spending the day designing at home, going to a meeting, calling countless companies and dealing with "issues" on my own. I need to get "new" health insurance, "car" insurance, deal with countless accounts to close them and liquidate things. So many forms and papers to do. I felt OVERWHELMED. It's just things that weigh on me and I have had to PUSH away what Ty often told me, "you can't do this without me, you need me." 





Oh how I need him, but I also have found that in the last SIX weeks I have grown so much. It is taking me time, because we were not prepared. Our denial has caused some setbacks and I am facing the issues now. I am facing the tasks ONE at a time. I am trying to just be gentle and patient. I can do this. The best thing was yesterday, and Gentry said to me... "Mom, I am so proud of you. YOU are doing this. I know this is hard, but you are taking care of things and YOU have proved to yourself that you can do ANYTHING. YOU always did and NOW you know it yourself." I was smiling and knew she was right, I can do this. It may take some time, but I will get it done... 

McKay is talking in Sacrament tomorrow in our church ward at 9am for anyone who wants to hear her talk about her mission. It is the ward right by our home. I am so thankful for her and her sweetness. Last night she had a cookie making party here with her friends. I love to hear the laughter and talking. It reminds me of the goodness of life and of good times. 




I am busy preparing for CHA in January in Anaheim too. It's going to be AMAZING. I am thankful to be speaking and to debut new products. I feel OUTRAGEOUSLY blessed. I hope to see many of you there. 

HAPPY SATURDAY!!!!!!




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19 comments:

Nancy Nally said...

Honey, you run a freaking company. You can manage all of this paperwork stuff! It's just unfamiliar and different from your usual stuff, so it's not as comfortable. But if you've got the wherewithal to do what you do every day, you can manage this stuff. Just knock if off one piece at a time and make sure you consult a professional (accountant, lawyer, etc) when in doubt. #endpeptalk

therapygirl1961 said...

You ARE strong and amazing! Draw strength from the Lord for you will also feel strength from Ty for GOD is holding him in the palms of his hands!

Debbie said...

You and your family has been in my thoughts and prayers, on this holiday season. One thing a friend told to me 5yrs ago , when my husband passed . Your regular NORMAL , will never be that NORMAL again. I think I was just fighting to keeping the same. But its not.
Debbie Bradley

Sue Brown said...

You are an amazing woman! Even in your hardest time you inspire me greatly! Love and prayers to you and yours.

Traci said...

Nancy, you are so right. Listen to this lady Teresa! You got this!!

Kathy Jo said...

You are Fabulous! And yes - you CAN do it (and are doing it!) You go girl!!! With prayers of peace and courage coming your way. You have helped me to look at my relationships in a new way - and I now cherish every moment. Thank you for sharing.

Sheri Landon said...

You CAN do this!

Ruth G said...

Big hugs! You can do this! Good for you for keeping your eyes on the Lord and trusting in his strength and love!
Take care!

Jean Bullock said...

You go, Girl! We all know you can do it. May you be comforted by all the good memories and love from your family. I do not need to ask the Lord to give you strength. You already have that.

Aquehuele elScrap said...

Good job Teresa!
You are a very strong woman and you have to be proud of you.
I always read you blog and it's the first time I write something. You are being and example for all of us.
Kisses and hugs from the Principality of Andorra (a very small country in the middle of the Pyrennees).
Ruth

Emma Sacchetti said...

Yay you!!

Leslie G said...

You are doing a great job Teresa! Take it a day at a time, sometimes just a moment at a time. :) Hugs to you!

IslandV said...

Hang in there lady! One day at a time, one DEEP breath at a time! There is NO rush! Do this at your OWN pace! You got this! And you have a TON of ppl behind you ready to catch you if you stumble or fall! ((hugs))

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