This is going to be a longer post with lots of thoughts. I have thought over and over how to post some of the things that woke me up at 3 am to share. First, I have a RASH that will not go away. This past week has been super "unproductive" for me with this itch rash and some other reasons. I decided to FOCUS on watching
my amazing BONUS son get married.
Seth and Ellie got married on Friday October 14th 2016 in the Payson LDS Temple. It is the most amazing temple. The ceremony was beautiful and I could not stop crying. My heart was FULL. My mind was so mindful of knowing Seth was missing his dad there.
Seth cried many tears as the ceremony took place. I wept with him. The love he has for Elizabeth (Ellie) and for Heavenly Father is so evident. I FELT he was missing his dad. I KNEW Tyler was there. I had NO doubts. I felt it. I am so thankful that I know that the Plan of Salvation if REAL. I know it so personally. I know that death is not the end. I have had deep personal witnesses of this. I know without a doubt that Tyler was there for this special day and that Seth knew it too.
Here are just a FEW photos... I can't wait to see the wedding photographer's photos.
Zellie and Tenneson (can you believe she is 4.5 years old?)
The bridesmaids (Gentry was stuck in traffic) I loved the color Ellie choose.
Outside the temple.
I seriously loved holding Thatcher. My heart is tender because in truthfulness, I rarely see Kayla and Matt's kids since they live in CA.
Zach, Tenneson and Tyler.
Tyler is the tallest of the boys. (Zach and Ty are pretty even though so not sure how tall he will be when he comes home from his mission)
Zellie and I. ADORABLE little girl....
Okay it was CRAZY WINDY that day... CRAZY and the twins were not feeling too great...
This guy. OH how I love him. I have many TENDER thoughts on this to share later. I love that he is the biggest advocator of FAMILY and our kids. I have dealt with a death and he has dealt with a divorce. Our journey is quite different in that regard.
At the reception.... I adore this couple.
I am seriously so thankful to be Seth's "other" mom. I call myself the BONUS MOM.
Silly times... yes, that is us. Devan is photobombing McKay and Mauro
Little Ty and Seth. I guess Ty is not so little anymore. How can he graduate this year? I'm not ready.
One of the gifts I made for Seth and Ellie. I used my papers and transparencies (gold dots, collectors edition and gold tape (gold glam) to create these. In the book, you write love letters back and forth. I was given this book (& idea) at my wedding from my SIL Laurie and Kevin. I loved it.
The pencil I gave them with the WRITE book says "WRITE FROM THE HEART."
I hope they will write love letters to each other forever!!!!
Cooper and Grandpa.
Yes, this is what Brian is wanting and THANKFUL to be called.
The kids call Tyler (PAPA and always will!!!!!!)
This was the temple that they were sealed for All Time & Eternity. In our church, we believe that marriages are not "until" death but can be FOREVER. I did not grow up as a Latter Day Saint (Mormon) and I joined the church my senior year of high school. My personal believe is that death is only temporary and that we will be resurrected and with our families again. I get emotional as I type this. I have complete faith in knowing that God is real.
Yes, I want to be with my family and I want to be worthy of this blessing. I love my grand babies.
Cooper and Beckett did not plan to match outfits at the wedding. SUPER CUTE!!!!!
BE PREPARED.... sharing from my emotional heart now....
I just uploaded this photo and I have tears streaming down my face.
This is Amy and little Ty. I had NO IDEA that one day this would be "the story." My husband would die of a horrible nasty cancer... I would be widowed in my forties... I would be HERE right now...
Amy is Seth's mom, Ty's ex wife and my friend. I greatly admire her heart, her kindness and for her "sharing" Seth with me for the past 20 years. I met him at age 2 when Tyler and I got married. My heart is so thankful that I was able to watch him grow up, and along with Tyler we raised together SEVEN amazing children. I loved every single one of them.
STEP MOM... BONUS MOM... here is my journey....
I think the key is that BOTH of us did not fight or try to make Seth choose WHO he would love. I never once felt Amy tried to make her son feel like he was not loved, wanted or put in the middle of their divorce. It was let's ALL just LOVE him!!!! I sat in the temple and watched Seth and Ellie get married and I was so thankful that I will ALWAYS be in Seth's and Amy's family life.
I was married to my three girls dad at the young age of 19 years old. After seven years of marriage, we divorced and we both remarried. I will say that I wanted the girls step mother to LOVE my girls. I never wanted them to have "feelings" toward her. I wanted them to have so much LOVE in their life from their dad and I, Tyler (bonus dad) and their new BONUS mom.
I was blessed to have years of our crazy blended families that just WORKED. I never ever would or did talk bad to any of my kids about their parent. I look back now and see what a healthy and blessing this was to our kids. Don't get me wrong, it was not perfect- divorce never is... but all decisions were done with the kids best interest and love.
I have DEBATED for over a year about what I am about to share. I guess you could say I have ALOT of fear to share something so deep and personal to me. However, I feel I meet so many thousands of people and I get asked over and over the same question. Once you post something it's out there and many of you may have read that "someone" posted. Of course, I know exactly who this person. I try to be honest because I think by sharing our "journey" we can help others.
I had MANY people read my blog and see some NASTY untruths about Brian and I that "someone" had decided to post. It was also posted on some "other" blog about me. I was heartbroken for my children and outraged. I have kept silent publicly but I know for a fact that the TRUTH deserves to be TOLD and by me. I am sad that anyone feels the need to LIE to people about WHEN and HOW I met Brian. The situation was portrayed to be an affair and I will not tolerate this untruth.
I loved Tyler with all my heart. I will ALWAYS love him. He did not deserve his memory to be one in which "someone" wanted others to believe that I had met or dated Brian prior to him dying.
In fact, the "lie" was HORRIBLE, VICIOUS and UNTRUE. While my sweet handsome husband was enduring his final days on this earth, I was by his side. I slept on the couch in the Huntsman Cancer Institute. I did not want to leave his side for a moment. I would crawl in the bed with him at times and hold him. I cried with him. I grieved with him and his passing. I witnessed as he was talking to angels and I knew the veil was thin. I ache as I remember this time. My world was so very sad. I was heart broken and I was devastated. You can never prepare for something like this. I loved Tyler and he loved me.
"Someone" has decided to keep telling lies that I had met, dated and went to "lunch" with Brian while my husband was in the hospital dying of cancer. As you can imagine, my kids and I are completely SICK that "someone" wants to say these things to hurt someone. Tyler died November 15th. It was the saddest day I have ever experienced and my kids and I were completely heartbroken.You simply do not ever get over this.
I met Brian for the first time in January and told him that I was looking for "friendship." I had no idea he was meant to be on my "new journey" with me and my family. I had never met or known him nor did Tyler. He was not working with Tyler on anything and this is the truth. This man came into my life at the time and in a place that I believe he needed me as much as I needed him. It was crazy unreal. I knew it took a very special man to want to deal with the "REAL" life of being with a widow and children who had lost their dad. I give Brian so much credit.
I have learned that EACH of us have our own journey, our own timing and we have to just LISTEN to our heart and the spirit to guide us. The reality is, my children and I are still healing and we talk and celebrate LIFE in a different way now. We were in the temple together as a family on Friday and we laughed and talked about good memories of Tyler. Brian was with us and holding my hand as we do this. It would have been my hope that Brian would have come from a similar background of peace in his past and previous marriage. Unfortunately, this is not the case and it's been one of the hardest experiences for him and our marriage. I am trying to be very delicate here. Again, a great reminder to BUILD and not BREAK.
We are GROWING our family. This was just a SILLY photo from yesterday.
missy, parker, brian, mckay and mauro
RANDOM, UNPLANNED, REAL and I wish everyone was in the photo that was at the house. We just have FUN!
Zach is doing AMAZING and loves Brazil so much!!!!! I sure miss this boy.
Life is too SHORT to be anything but HAPPY.
TRUST your own JOURNEY.
Don't let anyone try to tell you that your journey is wrong if you know in your heart that it's YOUR path.
Stand up for what is right and do the RIGHT thing.